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Writer's pictureBertha Tobias

Refrain from wearing big hoops, big hair and anything else that makes you stand out.

Updated: Jan 21, 2022

Hoop earrings have, historically, been worn by Black women as symbols of resistance and strength. In classic, age-old hyper- sexualization of Black women, the saying goes: “the bigger the hoop, the bigger the hoe.” Essentially, a piece of jewellery, meant to accessorize and adorn just like any other piece of jewellery, has been weaponized against the free expression of Black women. I know that your brave heart and fierce spirit will be tempted to wear the hell out of your hoops to reclaim the power of the hoop... and thereby, the hoe. I painfully and reluctantly ask that you let it go.


To survive at a predominantly white institution, you absolutely have to abandon any and every thing that renders you even slightly conspicuous. The hoops are a dead give-away that you are either angry, perpetually resistant or not in possession of a personality outside of being a Black woman. This means that the only earrings that are acceptable for you are small, white, delicate studs. The kind that say “I’m a nice black girl who will not make a big deal out of anything that makes me uncomfortable in my skin.” Wear anything that says “I won’t bite... like the other black girls.”

In similar fashion and in case it wasn’t already obvious, your Afro is a big no. Your afro is one of the biggest cries for attention. It subjects white people to the agony of the self-restraint necessary to refrain from touching your Afro or asking about it. You are not allowed to wear your Afro. And if you absolutely have to, you must answer all questions about its defiance of gravity and its “wooliness.” Your best bet is to straighten your natural hair to make it more “manageable,” or to simply wear a wig and call it a day every day. Of course, you will still need to provide an audience to the white people who tell you to love your hair and yourself a little more. And then you will have to pretend that wearing wigs, in some way, does indeed mean that you do not love yourself. I know that at this point, it sounds like there is no way of winning at a predominantly white institution as a Black, African girl. And you’re right. There is no way to win. There is only survival.


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